October 13, 2011
Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur are over. Sukkot and Simchat Torah are still a part of our new year observances. It was very meaningful for me to spend my 4th High Holy days in Ojai.. On Yom Kippur several of you stayed for an afternoon talk and brought some insightful and important questions to the table. That’s the same spirit of learning and asking and exploring that I hope to find at our Saturday morning ‘Intro to Judaism-Torah study-ask the rabbi’ sessions. That’s what makes Judaism work: Finding meanings for our lives today from the traditions of the ancients; asking questions we often don’t know we have until we’re sitting around the table together; sharing our own experiences, thoughts, questions in a way we too seldom are able to do.
I loved hearing the choir singing. The passion they have and the desire they have to add something uniquely theirs for the benefit of this community is joyous to hear. Susan’s leading and singing and her beautiful spiritual presence bring something unexplainable but so important to the services.
Being the rabbi also gives me the very unique (since I’m the only one who gets the honor) gift of sharing the space in front of the ark with those who come up to honor us by opening it. The look in their eyes as we stand together and pray in that holy space is incredible to witness. Seeing the joy on Sandy’s face as she did anything she could to make the services run more smoothly was a blessing to me AND to all of you (since she kept me on the right pages and reminded all of us where we were in the machzor). She is a mensch of the first order and really reminded me how we really do glow when we are doing God’s work with nothing but humility and commitment. The interesting thing is, that is supposed to be our goal, to walk humbly with our God and to do what we need to do quietly and with dignity. Just to do it because it needs to be done.
Certainly, my tears and gratitude and, more than that, my respect for Mischa Morris was and is still resonating in me. He filled a need for us to be blessed by hearing the strong loud symbol of our faith in God and the hope that our prayers will be carried up to the heavens with the blasts of the shofar. And he came, not just on Rosh HaShanah, but made sure to be with us when Neilah came to an end so we could leave the sanctity of that most unique day with the sounds of his soul ringing in our ears. He is an important member of our community and his caring for all of us showed up loud and clear in the dignity and spirit he brought to the bimah.
I know that I could go on and list so many more of you. But, mostly I want to remind you that you are all so necessary to K'hilat HaAloneem’s life. Whether it’s sitting and asking questions and sharing your own thoughts of what Judaism means: to you, to your life, to this community, or sharing how much it meant to ‘find this beautiful synagogue’ on this visit to Ojai and feel so welcomed and special. The ideas are all interconnected. Torah and Jewish tradition remind us, as I talked a bit about during the holidays, that we must remember we are a community and that this makom (place) that we call our synagogue, is holy and is meant to provide comfort, a place for prayer, a place to connect with other Jews (and non-Jews) , a holy place for us to be connected.
We all take so many things in our lives for granted and we even say that we know we do. I think we’re all aware that so much of our daily lives get by us without our thinking how lucky we are to have whatever we have. It is far easier to complain about what we think is missing. It is far easier to “forget to remember” how so many blessings show up in our lives every day. Until, perhaps, we don’t have that blessing anymore.
I took my daughter, Jenny, to school and picked her up almost every single day from pre-school through high school. I loved that even when there was an inconvenient, too busy day and I wished I didn’t have to rush so much.
I don’t drive her to school anymore. She is 25 and living and working in Boston. But, boy, I miss those moments everyday when we’d see the ‘towel lady’ walking her dog in her robe with a big towel wrapped around her head. I miss the last minute _can we just go over these questions one more time, dad? Moments when I really hadn’t had coffee yet but did it anyway. I have to find new moments with Jenny now. Thank God I remember how those felt.
This shul clearly has a spirit for so many of you. Sure, many don’t get here too regularly for one reason or another. But isn’t it amazing that when you do, something comes into your being and you want to know more. You want to understand more. You want to connect in some way perhaps you can’t even explain.
This is a new year. A new opportunity. I know quite a few people who would love to get to know you better. I sure would. If you haven’t been coming too often (or really, at all) put it on your calendar. I am here for a Pot luck at 6 and services at 7 on the first and third Fridays of the month. No experience needed to come on Saturday morning between 10 and 11:30. If you write it on your calendar right now, maybe you’ll spend a couple of hours with us and add the blessing of your presence to our services. We live in a world that can be difficult and distant. We often don’t know our neighbors.
But we want to know YOU. If you’ve already been coming, don’t be angry if it seems I left you out here. I didn’t. YOU can come more often and you can make it your goal to bring a friend with you. It’s a gift to be here. It shouldn’t be taken for granted. The Torah will be re-rolled on Simchat Torah (October 21). We will have a time of renewal as we begin our Jewish cycle one more time. PLUS we sing, we laugh and, yes, we pray together.
I’d love to see you all there with us.
Thank you for making these High Holy Days so meaningful. It was a blessing for me to be with you.
Rabbi Yossi
A POST SCRIPT---October 14, 2011
I realized I didn’t address the fact that my contract with K'hilat HaAloneem expires on December 31st and that means my last service and potluck will be on December 16th. It’s still a couple months away so I am not ready to write a ‘final’ note to all of you. But, I did read President John’s message to you and decided that I couldn’t just write a ‘note from the rabbi’ and not mention my leaving as if there’s an elephant in the shul (room).
I appreciate very much the several calls and messages I’ve already received about this. I can’t tell you how touched I am. There are so many of you whose lives have connected to mine and I’m grateful for your caring.
I have been blessed to make some very special connections with many of you during my time here. The thing about being a rabbi is that these connections don’t happen by themselves and they also do not depend on a contract for them to continue. I don’t make believe I have feelings to anyone. They are real, on the bimah or not. In my private and public lives, as I’ve tried to share in many of my sermons, I have said I would be devastated if the man you’ve known on the bimah was different from a man you see in a market or at a concert. I’m the same man with, I hope, the same vaiues. My connections to many of you fall into that same category. You know I care. I pray you know I will continue to care.
I hope you’ll call if you need me for anything. I hope you’ll give me a head’s up if you know you’ll be coming down to ‘the valley’ so we can try and meet for coffee, tea or….diet coke. I’ll certainly do the same if I know I’ll be up in Ojai.
Being a rabbi is not something I am ‘part of the time.’ I am always a rabbi. I became a rabbi because I love Judaism and I am grateful for the many lives that I have met on this rabbinic journey of mine. It’s been frustrating being a part time rabbi. Not because of anything financial but because there are so many things I’d love to be doing and sharing which is impossible within the constraints of a part-time role. a I love the other work I do in the prisons and jails and how very important I think it is. But, also, knowing how much there is that can be and needs to be possible here in Ojai, it’s a tough thing to feel a part of all of your lives and the synagogue and yet be sort of half a rabbi here. It doesn’t matter what the contract says, I have considered myself your rabbi. Period. I think that’s why so many of you have called on weeks I wasn’t up here. Just to talk, or ask, or….because they trusted me enough to share with their rabbi.
Having a rabbi is an, I think, urgently important part of this community. It isn’t just because I am a rabbi and this observation isn’t about me. It’s about the synagogue’s place as a presence in Ojai.
Having a rabbi here plays a big part in validating K'hilat HaAloneem. Obviously, the physical presence of this beautiful building is a large part of the picture. In the eyes of the community, a synagogue, as with a church, changes it’s image with the addition of a spiritual leader. In an area where we Jews can be swallowed up by the maze of churches and it is so easy to be invisible, the fact of a spiritual leader does make a difference.
I believe, too, that it makes a big difference to a large percentage of you, whether you regularly attend or not. Someone said to me that the ‘core of regulars will be quite upset without a rabbi but those others who pretty much only come for High Holy Days couldn’t care less.” I understand how someone can come to that conclusion. I think it underestimates and devalues you. They are basing your commitment to something immeasurable. It isn’t an attendance count that always can be the barometer of whether you care or not.
There is a reason why HHD are always much more attended than other times. We have so often marginalized our Judaism or have gotten so accustomed to living our lives without even knowing or thinking that maybe there IS something to be gotten by the little effort of spending a couple of hours here on a Friday night. Maybe our memories from other times and earlier days were not so warm or meaningful. Maybe we didn’t grow up ‘knowing’ very much and it just seemed so empty to us that we don’t think twice about a Friday night at synagogue. And, sure, maybe the different rabbis who have been here over the years did not appeal to you.
But, when there is a yahrzeit or a death or a birth or a sudden something that brings your thoughts to a need for ‘something’ spiritual that you can’t quite put your finger on, the need to know that this shul exists and that there is a rabbi there suddenly, even for just that moment, becomes so important.
It is very hard for many of us to imagine wanting to come and pray, usually in a language we have no idea about and with melodies we don’t know. Maybe even the idea of ‘why would I do this? I’m not ‘religious’ and it has no meaning for me, with all those ancient and out of date rules and everything. Maybe.
But maybe it isn’t at all what you might expect. How often do I have to hear a song that ‘catches me’ before I can sing along with the music? How long did it take before I could actually play a game of tennis with a stranger without feeling I’d be embarrassed because I’m ‘not good at it.’ If we don’t put ourselves in a place to find out we will always feel like an outsider in a group of people who seem to know more than we do. It’s Junior high all over again.
Regardless of whether you attend or do not, the very sad part of this is the lack of actual support. As much as I wish it ever had to be addressed, your donations, large or small, are so very important. To make sure this wonderful refuge IS here whenever you might just find yourself needing it and as wonderful and commendable it is to have the terrific lay members leading services, it is not the same as having a trained ordained spiritual leader.
I may not be returning, but that’s definitely not the point. The point IS it should not ever have to come down to not having enough backup money to even have a rabbi twice a month. Whomever is interviewed for this position should be able to just concentrate on all of YOU and not wonder if there will be funds next year. Children should be able to develop a closeness with a rabbi so THEIR memories of growing up Jewish have meaning for them.It is only then that our Judaism survives. The amount of children in any community shifts and changes everywhere. It seems there are hardly any and then all of a sudden three or four new families suddenly move in and there are 7 or 8 more kids coming up. They need to see all the generations there to welcome them and they need to know that rabbis are not old and distant and scary and that the Torah belongs to them as well as the rest of us.
So, even if you aren’t a regular, and even if times are tough, send something to support this synagogue. If I can get a latte three or four times a week,I can give $50.00 to the shul each month. It cannot survive if we all leave it to a few generous “pillars of the community” although every synagogue has those core people who are able to help more than many of us. It can’t be assumed that “they” will take care of us. AND we can never feel this special place is, indeed, OURS if we haven’t had a hand in keeping it going. Even in the desert when the Israelites were called upon to contribute to the building of the mishkan, they were told to bring ‘what they could afford. What their hearts told them to.”
So, now, in the new year, maybe you can start it off outside your usual ‘box’ and do something different. Or, if you already do something, do a little more. It makes a difference. I’d be very unhappy leaving here without seeing the people who say ‘it’s just how it is in Ojai. They don’t really care. You just have to accept it” change that tune. I don’t believe them.
Even if I won’t be here, our connection stays the same and I am always a rabbi. If you need me, just call. I’ll do my best to help, as time permits. My feelings don’t change with contracts. Contracts allow me to pay my rent and stay afloat. I wish there was no need for that. I’d rather never discuss money again and just do what I love and believe I was/am meant to do. Being a rabbi allows my soul to soar with the people I care about.. Unfortunately we need to both stay sfloat AND soar. But I expect to continue to soar for, God willing, a long time.
And I’ll be here for a couple of months. I believe in living and appreciating each day. Who knows what’s in store, so why would I want to waste time on the unknown of tomorrow. Right now I’m your rabbi. Right now I’m looking forward to Simchat Torah. And right now is all my congregation and the people in it are all I can pay attention to. There’s too much to enjoy today without wondering about tomorrow.
See you next week. Pot luck is at 6:00.
